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The joke of the day - Version imprimable

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The joke of the day - Elephant - 12-08-2009

Et pour ceusses qui au collège n'ont pas zappé les cours d'anglais pour aller fumer des pétards :


From:Jeff Peters
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 10.22am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Membership Renewal

Dear David

This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired last week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take this opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you a 20% discount on your membership renewal. We look forward to seeing you again soon.

All the best, Jeff Peters


From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 1.37pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Membership Renewal

Dear Jeff,

Thankyou for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to reduce my membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not work out how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around $372.10 off the normal price of $420.00 - Please confirm that this is correct and I will renew my membership immediately. Also, do I get a Fitness First sports bag with towel and drinking bottle included in the price? I own my own legwarmers and headband.

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are actually $460 but with the 20% discount as an existing member your renewing membership fee would be only $368 for the six months saving you almost $100 off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do not have those bags.

Cheers, Jeff


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.18am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Do I get free shipping with that?

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Free shipping with what? The $368 covers your membership fees for six months.


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old child often turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go several days without washing. I feel bad constantly having to ask the lady from next door to come over and loosen them for me, what with her arthritis and limited wheelchair access to my apartment. To be honest, I originally joined your gym with full intentions of attending every few days but after waiting in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began to suspect this was not going to happen and the realisation that I may have to exercise instead was, quite frankly, horrifying. My aversion to work, along with the fact one of your employees, Justin, was rather rude, telling me to 'lift this', ''push that' dulled my initial enthusiasm of becoming muscular and I stopped attending.

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 9.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

Not sure how to take your email, nobody here would offer you steroids, it is illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of our most experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was trying to be helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of other gyms you could look at joining instead.

Cheers, Jeff


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the low qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is an over supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless professionals. I knew a guy in high school who couldn't talk very well and collected sticks, he used to call the teacher 'mum' and during recess we would give him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our money back. He went on to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as kind of like those factories that provide a community service by employing people with down syndrome to lick stamps and pack boxes. Except with more Spandex obviously.

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.32am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Go f$*k yourself.



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 11.38am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute you are inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the next insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt that mood swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse. As another side effect is a reduction in the size of your p#$%, this gives you understandable cause to be an angry person. I have also learnt that Spandex contains carcinogenic properties so this does not bode well for yourself and your shiny friends. If I woke up one morning and my p#$% was a quarter of the size I would probably take my anger out on those around me as well. There are probably support groups or websites that could help you manage your problem more effectively and picture based books available on the subject for people with limited reading skills. When I am angry I like to Listen to music by Linkin Park. The added angst and desire to cut myself works similarly to the way firefighters fight forest fires by burning off sections, effectively canceling each other out and I find myself at peace. I understand that you guys usually listen to Pet Shop Boys or Frankie Goes to Hollywood so this may be worth a try.

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Ok.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again?



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

The middle one.

The joke of the day - Ralph - 12-08-2009

Elephant Bird a écrit :From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the low qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is an over supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless professionals. I knew a guy in high school who couldn't talk very well and collected sticks, he used to call the teacher 'mum' and during recess we would give him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our money back. He went on to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as kind of like those factories that provide a community service by employing people with down syndrome to lick stamps and pack boxes. Except with more Spandex obviously.

Regards, David.
:lol::lol:

The joke of the day - Jimmy_3d - 13-08-2009

:lol:

J'ai bien riz ^^

Edith : avec les liens de Mars, j'ai pleuré de rire, ca fait du bien avant d'aller dormir.

The joke of the day - Xaviergravelaine - 13-08-2009

Ce David Thorne est énorme:lol::lol::lol::lol:

Le coup de la fête de voisinage est à pleurerVghgbgVghgbgVghgbg

The joke of the day - caveman - 13-08-2009

Mars a écrit :Je sais pas si je vais faire un rouquemoute vu que ça date d'il-y-a quelques mois, mais voilà :

- un échange de mails avec une banque
- un échange de mails avec un nouveau voisin
- un échange de mails avec un syndic de copropriété (en bas de page)

Ce type (vu que c'est toujours le même) est exceptionnel :lol:

Clap

The joke of the day - benar - 13-08-2009

Sont cons ces brits :lol:! Je pense que ce site doit être l'officiel ou officieux comme vous voulez, mais c'est à mourir de rire!

"whereaboutsami.com

This would be a website where users can write the name of the city and street they are on and I would tell them where they are."

The joke of the day - John Doe - 14-08-2009

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7uuqp_coming-out-dun-supporter-du-psg_fun

The joke of the day - Dragnir - 14-08-2009

Rouquemoute Doctor

The joke of the day - Diegogo - 14-08-2009

une sorte d'anti stress
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/sarkozy.htm

The joke of the day - Peñiscola - 14-08-2009

diegogo a écrit :une sorte d'anti stress
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/sarkozy.htm
Hahaha je me régale !!!

The joke of the day - Ralph - 14-08-2009

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1917993

pour sarko, je préfère avec la ptite dame en bikini

The joke of the day - Ralph - 15-08-2009

rien a foutre du rouquemoute, cette vidéo vaut de l'or!!
http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/femme+enfants+de+la+t%C3%A9l%C3%A9/video/x97cqt_femme-autoritaire-a-mourir-de-rire_fun

The joke of the day - Joeuf de Paimboeuf - 16-08-2009

:hum:Vghgbg:helpsmiliBlink

Les messieurs en blanc sont pas venus la chercher après la diffusion? Le mari est adepte du SM? En plus elle est impoutrable même en levrette avec un sac sur la tête.

The joke of the day - Dadinho - 16-08-2009

A essayer Laugh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEZEUYFstcE

The joke of the day - fanfarlo - 16-08-2009

Ralphd a écrit :rien a foutre du rouquemoute, cette vidéo vaut de l'or!!
http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/femme+enfants+de+la+t%C3%A9l%C3%A9/video/x97cqt_femme-autoritaire-a-mourir-de-rire_fun

Ça fait parti des personnes qui nous en font reprendre pour dix ans.Bye2 Je vais finir vieux garçon moiDoctor

The joke of the day - codaing - 16-08-2009

Bob Dylan arrêté et contraint de justifier son identité

Idole de la jeunesse des années 60, Bob Dylan a vendu des millions d'albums. Des faits qui ont totalement échappé à la police de Long Branch exigeant de la star une pièce d'identité, lors d'un contrôle.

16 août 2009 - 15h23

Le nom de Bob Dylan lui évoquait vaguement quelque chose. En revanche, son visage lui était parfaitement inconnu. C'est ce qu'a reconnu une jeune femme officier de police à Long Branch, dans le New Jersey, lors d'un contrôle d'identité imposé à la star mondiale Bob Dylan.

En balade et sans papier, Bob Dylan a été contraint de grimper illico à l'arrière de la voiture de police.

Tout ça pourquoi ? Parce que peu avant un concert, le chanteur de 68 ans était parti se détendre. Il se promenait alors près de son hôtel, observant les maisons situées à proximité de l'océan, dans le quartier résidentiel. Un habitant du quartier l'a pris pour un rôdeur et a donné l'alerte.

La "fliquette", un peu trop zélée, a emmené le chanteur jusqu'à son hôtel pour vérifier son histoire. Le Daily Mail relate qu'en proie au doute, elle a quand même lancé un appel radio pour demander à ses collègues s'ils connaissaient Bob Dylan.
"Nous avons explosé de rire. Si j'avais été à sa place, ce n'est pas une pièce d'identité que j'aurais demandé mais un autographe", confie Craig Spencer, un autre officier de Long Branch au Daily Mail.

Ses collègues ont mis cette bévue sur le compte de son jeune âge ; la jeune femme n'étant âgée que de 22 printemps.

Une histoire insolite qui pourrait presque s'apparenter à une prémonition pour Bob Dylan.

Lui qui écrivait, en 1965, ce refrain dans la chanson Like A Rolling Stone : "How does it feel to be on your own, a complete unknown? " (Qu'est-ce que ça fait d'être parfaitement seul et complètement inconnu ?)


Clap

The joke of the day - Dougue - 16-08-2009

elle doit souffrir en arrivant au taf, celle-là.....Laugh

The joke of the day - Dougue - 16-08-2009

surprise...

le bruit du melon qui explose

et pour finir, c'est des tueurs

The joke of the day - Dougue - 16-08-2009

rohhhh

The joke of the day - Dadinho - 17-08-2009

Oh my God ! Yuk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj4NfsISWMk